Patriarchy has frequently been manifested in the limitless interactions I have personally had with different communities specifically in Kilifi and Kwale Counties, credence to the innovative Young Men as Equal Partners (YMEP) programme at Moving The Goalposts. Having worked at a Child Protection Centre before, I came to realize that most of the inhuman child abuse cases reported were as a result of the patriarchal system that is widely shared and practiced in the communities. The respect and opportunity I was given to successfully initiate the Young Men as Equal partners programme at MTG is a great achievement as far as my career is concerned. A programme that sensitizes boys and men on gender equality, positive masculinity and sexual reproductive health and rights in a view to preventing gender based violence and promoting constructive behavior and practices in the communities. In other words, it’s a programme that discredits the patriarchal system practiced in these communities by giving an option to embrace gender equality. The programme is designed to increase the number of Boys and men playing football around MTG league fields that will explore masculinity constructions and challenge Violence against Women and Girls. This program will contribute to MTG being involved in the global campaign # He for She.
My greatest success during the past year was when I visited the fields and participated in sessions where the male coaches whom I trained on gender equality and positive masculinities in August were confidently facilitating a session during their weekly football practice. The enthusiasm and willingness to explore masculinity with their peers drove me to tears. “When I started facilitating these sessions my peers laughed at me saying you have teamed up with women very few wanted to associate themselves with the program because MTG is for girls. Now I have recruited more boys in my community, everyone wants to be part of the YMEP program. I cannot not take in all the boys and men coming so I work with only a few” YMEP coach.
The YMEP program is now a household name in MTG, when my colleague Charles joined later we have increased our reach to fathers, motorbike riders commonly referred to as boda boda and other men in the community. Our believe is that fathers/male parents need to be sensitized on parental responsibility in socializing their children in gender equitable ways.
When I look back I agree with the scholars that indeed patriarchy is a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. It’s genesis started with coercion, demeaning remarks, rape, harassment, child marriage and it has been growing with each day that passes by. The reason why men have the power to stifle women is because they have the authority, they are the decision makers and they have control over women’s bodies and their thoughts. But we need to comprehend the fact that men are not solely responsible for all this nuisance. I would confidently say It’s not their fault. The motivation for all this menace is the patriarchal system that has been promoted and tolerated and inculcated in traditions and emerging cultures since generations.
Patriarchy instructs men to suppress women because men are the dominant ones in the society. Patriarchy forces men to support misogyny. And when a man refuses to do so, the title of being a ‘real man’ is withdrawn from him. It’s amusing when parents request their 11-year-old son to accompany his 20-year-old sister to a grocery in the evening. This is exactly how we teach girls and boys that, girls are weak they need protection and boys are strong they don’t need any protection. The boy when grows up into a man will never be able to ask help from a man or a woman because he was taught that men do not ask for help, they are strong and they have to take care of themselves and everyone around them. A boy can’t cry (men don’t feel pain), a boy can’t cook, a boy can’t play with an item associated with girls e.g. a doll like item, a boy can’t choose a field of study associated with women’s role. A boy is pressurized to agree to whatever his parents say because he is the one who has to look after a family when he grows up. He has to earn money since he is expected to be the bread winner. The reason why most of the parents are overjoyed by having a baby boy is because he’s going to be their asset and a daughter will be their liability. It’s disheartening because these little boys are treated like kings and burdened with a lot of responsibilities at young age which makes them what they are when they grow up.
It’s time when both men and women need to realize that patriarchy is a dangerous system. It will not only ruin women but also dehumanize men. Patriarchy results in women and girls having different and less access, usage and control to resources and this has adverse impact to the sustainable human development. Furthermore, it increases poverty since women are also vital drivers of social and economic development.
Patriarchy is a learned attitude and behavior so it can be unlearned and prevented. Let’s embrace gender equality where women and men will share the same opportunities for realizing their human rights and potential to contribute and benefit from economic, social, cultural and political development. This is necessary for sustainable human development and is linked with reduction of poverty in our communities. The training for coaches and male parents on gender equality by the MTG’s Young Men as Equal Programme is a vital intervention that certainly halts patriarchy thus preventing the violation of girls and women in the communities.
